Cougar
by Dalek Prime
Summary: "What does my age have to do with a North American predatory feline?" DATR drabble


A/N: I don't own Invader Zim

* * *

"So, let me get this straight" Dib said as he tried to wrap his head around what Tak had just told him "Your seventy years old?"

Dib knew that Irkens were vastly biologically different from humans, but he never considered that they lived longer than humans as well. When Tak told him this information, he was in a state of confusion. The paranormal investigator and his extraterrestrial lover had shared everything about themselves to one another, but this was the first time the former Invader decided to give out this bit of information about herself. Why she chose to tell him this while they were just sitting around at his house alone he'll never know, but as Dib had come to understand, Tak sometimes didn't have tact for certain things.

"Yes, is that a problem?" she asked with a mix of concern and persecution in her tone

"No, no, it's cool!" Dib quickly assured her "In fact, you don't look a day over sixty"

The Irken only gave her human lover a quizzical look as she raised an eyebrow in suspicion, clearly unsure how to take that compliment. Fearing that Tak took his joke as an insult, Dib decided to press further and explore the lifespan of the average Irken.

"So long do your people live?" he inquired "Are you guys immortal or do you just live a long time?"

"Well most Irkens have a lifespan of around up a hundred and eighty years, but a few have lived to up to two hundred" she explained "No one knows how old The Tallest are, some claim that their only true immortal Irkens"

"So wait, how old is Zim then?" Dib brought up

"Zim's in his early fifty's" Tak answered, making her boyfriend's jaw drop in shock

"My sister's dating an old man?!" he nearly cried out in horror

Much like her brother, Gaz had taken up a relationship with an alien, namely Zim. At first when Dib discovered his sibling's romance with his arch-enemy, he was furious, however there wasn't much he could do about it since his sister terrified him more than anything else on this earth and beyond. Besides, he couldn't condemn their relationship since he was also dating an alien as well.

"To be fair, fifty is still pretty young by Irken standers" his girlfriend reasoned

"Not by human standards!" Dib shot back "Zim's old enough to be Gaz's grandpa!"

Tak's face became one of offense upon hearing that.

"Then I guess I'm old enough to be your grandmother?" his lover pointed out with anger in her voice

In that moment, Dib knew that he had upset the Irken. Much like Zim and Gaz's relationship, Tak was the lead out of the two of them, and if she wasn't happy, she'd make damn sure that her boyfriend wasn't happy. Dib had to calm the situation before he found himself sleeping in the backyard tonight…covered in bruises.

"Um, well it's different for you" he began "You're a cougar, so it's cool"

Despite being more well-versed in earth culture then Zim, there were still a few things that the former invader didn't understand in terms of human phrases. This was apparently one of those said things.

"What does my age have to do with a North American predatory feline?" she asked in puzzlement

"It's a term used to describe older women" Dib answered before adding "sexy older women"

Tak was taken aback by that statement, Dib had called her such things as 'cute' or 'beautiful' in the past, but this was the first time he ever referred to her as 'sexy' before.

"So…you call me a cougar to tell me I'm sexy then?" the Irken slowly surmised before smirking deviously "I like this term"

"Then you should be happy to know that I have a thing for older women" her human lover continued, attempting his best seductive voice as he did "their more…experienced, then girls these days"

"and I can assure you, I'm very experienced" Tak informed him in a sensual tone as she climbed on top of him

Take then deactivated her disguise before kissing Dib deeply, to which he kissed back with just as, if not more, intensity as she did. Soon enough, the two began a full-on make out session, forgetting about the world around them with every kiss and touch. However, as they were lost to their own passion, they failed to notice that someone had entered the room.

"Move. Now" Gaz's voice commanded in her usual monotone voice

Gaz's voice quickly snapped the lovers back reality. Normally, Tak would stand her ground against her beloved's sister, but she wrapped in her own lust to argue. Instead she took her boyfriend by the hand and quickly lead him back to his room. Once they were inside, the Irken locked the door and showed the boy how 'experienced' she was.


End file.
